Don't Believe it! A mini series
by mooglebaku
Summary: Tobi and Haku's quest takes them to Japan, where they must break into the headquaters of Square Enix and steal the next Final Fantasy game. Will they succeed? Or will Tobi's plan turn Obito into bullet fodder?
1. Chapter 1

**DON'T BELIEVE IT! A mini Series**

**Note from the author**

Hello readers, and welcome to my story, this story is a mini series based off of my other Naruto story called Don't Believe it (duh). If you haven't read that story, you can still read this (I recommend you read the other fanfic first, or at least chapter 30 of it…). If you ignored what I just wrote, I'll explain the situation. Tobi wants to join Akasuki, but they hate him and don't want him to join. To get rid of him, they send him on a fools errand with undoable tasks. Seeing how unfair Akasuki was to him, Haku decided to join him on is little quest (Yeah, Hakus still alive). This is his story, as told through a travel Log! This is a tale of two Men, and a bunch of moogles (if you don't know what a moogle is, get off your computer, and play final fantasy 7-10 right now).

Anyway, Enjoy

* * *

**Chapter one**

The quest begins….

_**Day one**_

_**As written by-Tobi**_

_**Food supply-fine**_

_**Morale-great**_

_**Number of people-Me, the girly guy, and those winged rats**_

Arrgh, this has been a long day. It all started early this morning, I was at the Akasuki HQ cause they wanted me to wait for a 'special request'. Suddenly, the blind guy comes out of the meeting room, stumbles down some stairs, crashes into a wall, gets up, and gives the houseplant a list. After I went over, and told him I was the person he wanted. Apparently, they've sent me on this here quest to complete these tasks, saying that if I do them, I am a powerful enough ninja to join Akasuki.

The whole thing stank….

This had happened once before, they had sent me to the store, to go get elbow grease and headlight fluid. That sucked ass…

The list of objectives are shown here…..

**1)** Find if there's a connection between Sergeant Pepper from the song, and Dr Pepper, the drink

**2)** Find Mr. Goodbar

**3)** Make a remake of The lord of the rings, with Moogles as the good guys, and Squirrels as Orcs

**4)** Get the next Final Fantasy game, and reprogram it so all characters are moogles

**5)** Go on a date with Ino, and find out why everyone hates her

**6)** get an advance copy of the next Harry Potter book

The worst part of this list is that on the very bottom of the list, they put something in fine print. I guess they didn't expect me to check for it, but I did (when you live with Akasuki, you pick up a few things). According to the fine print, the objects on the list can be added on, or altered, at any given time. I'm getting the vibe they don't want me to join.

They must still remember the time I put laxatives in the chili on chili Tuesdays….

For 3 weeks straight.

Good times.

Serves them right for makng me cook

So anyway, Its about 11pm right now, and the first day of the journey is over. I ran into Haku earlier and he decided to join me, along with his horde of winged rats (he calls them Moogles). I'm glad theres SOMEONE in the world that cares about me, but, I've gotta say, that kid is soooo Fking goodie goodie its going to make me choke. Seriously, if he gets any Sugarier, hes going to give me diabetes.

The whole damn day, while we were on the road, he kept singing that same song by Rascal flats, life is a highway….

I HATE THAT SONG NOW!!!

The moogles joined in too…

Why the hell can those things only say Kupo? I thought they could speak English.

Arrgh…

I hate life…..

* * *

_**Day Two**_

_**As Written by- Haku**_

_**Food supply- Kupo nuts aplenty!**_

_**Morale- Super cool**_

_**Distance traveled- 34 miles**_

_**Number of people- Me, Tobi, Mogers, Mogey, Mogev, MogMegan, Kupo, Kumo, Mogbert, and MogMatt**_

Dear Mr. Journal

Hiya! I'm Haku, and I'm doing my first entry in the logbook!

The goings been pretty slow today, since nethier of us have a car, or a map, or any idea where to go, its been making traveling pretty hard. But we must press on! We must fulfill all the items on Tobis list so he can become an Akasuki, and we must stop by New York so we can see broadway

God I love broadway…

Maybe I'll get to see RENT….

Anyway, Tobis been pretty sullen about this journey, Its like he has a case of the poor mes…

You know, I didn't tell anyone that I left town, I didn't bring any of my clothes, or money, or equipment, and theres only one toothbrush to share among two ninjas and 8 moogles…

Yeah, kinda gross

Were going to need to get some toiletries…

But Nonetheless, I'm still pretty committed to this journey! And to prove it, I'm going to start to sing aloud!

"Life is a highway! I wanna ride it all night long! If your going my way, I wanna drive it all night long!"

Hey look! Here comes Tobi right now! Maybe he wants to sing with me….

* * *

_**Day three**_

_**As Written by-Tobi**_

_**Food Supply- theres no such thing as too much instant noodles**_

_**Morale- I'm going to Kill myself if he sings that song one more time….**_

_**Distance traveled- 62 miles**_

_**Money supply- $780**_

I cant believe I decided to go on this thing….

I cant believe I let Haku come along…

I cant believe its not butter….

Today, along the road, we ran into this really weird guy. He was this tall guy, from the mist village something-or-other, he had some bandages covering his mouth, and this huge Ass sword (like, Cloud Strife big). He was weird, and the weirdest part about him was…

HE HAD NO EYEBROWS!!!

Wow, that makes the third time in my life I met someone without eyebrows. The first person I met without them was the creepy sand kid who has the crush on the workaholic…The second person is Deidra

That's right, Deidra has no eyebrows

When Itachi went blind, he kept setting stuff in the manor on fire, thinking it was Sasuke. Deidra was reading Fullmetal alchemist in his room and fell over, and his head hit the wall. Deidra was rubbing his head, and doing some swearing, and Itachi comes out of no where, and freakin Incinerates Deidras head.

Deidra was fine, the burns healed and his hair grew back

But the eyebrows never did

It's a mystery of life.

He wears fake eyebrows now, we made them out of Hidans back hair. We never told Deidra that.

I love pulling pranks on that guy.

Oh, I got off subject, lets see, oh yeah, the weird guys name was Zabuza. Get this, the guy sees Haku, picks him up, and tries to run off with him.

I should've let him take him,,,,

But I couldn't, cause Haku had my wallet…..

Damn it, It was a morale decision, let the guy run off with my Friend (and Money) or rescue the annoying kid…

The moogles made the decision for me.

The little guys surround Zabuza, and out of no where, they start pulling out weapons. I'm not talking little fake ones ethier, real weapons…

One of them had a Katana, one of them had a warhammer, one of them had a Scythe, 2 of them had Ak-47s, and the other ones had hand grenades (where the hell did they get those?)

They beat the crap out of the kidnapper….

Haku was fine, but the kid called the ambulance for his kidnapper

I don't get that kid…

He'd be a great guy if he wasn't so darn weird….

Wait, is Haku even a guy?

* * *

_**Day 4**_

_**As written by, Haku**_

_**Food supply, I don't like Shrimp Ramen……**_

_**Morale, as long as theres moogles, its cool**_

You know, even though weve been out on this journey a week, it seems like things will never get old. But that brought up a question I had today. We HAVE been traveling for a week, but my question is……Where the hell are we going?

I asked Tobi that, he stopped, looked at me, and said He thought I knew

Wow, really bad communication there.

So, me, him, and the moogles sat down in a pow wow and thought up a plan.

Guess where were going first?

JAPAN!

I hear that they have lotsa great stuff there. The ramens cheap, the Mangas and videogames come out months/years in advance (darn you Final Fantasy XII!). They also have vertical golf ranges and vending machines that sell used schoolgirl panties.

I wonder why….

What is it with Japan and Schoolgirls?

Welll anyway, were going to Japan to steal the beta data for final fantasy XII and XII and reprogram it so all the main characters are moogles. In my humble opinon, that….is…..THE GREATEST IDEA OF ALL TIME!!! Then again, I've never played a Final Fantasy game, all I know is that they're really formulaic, and Kakashi-Sensei really loves them. Hmmmm, Why is it called Final Fantasy if they keep making more of them? I've gotta ask Tobi that…

* * *

_**Day 5**_

_**As written by-Tobi**_

_**Foody Supply-the moogles ate all the noodles…..**_

_**Morale- blue sky **_

_**Distance traveled- 98 miles**_

_**Distance to go- maybe 5300 miles**_

Those Moogles sure do eat a lot. When I left on this journey, I packed enough ramen to last me till summer. Those moogles polished it off in 5 days.

That was fast….

Secondly, today Haku asked me why its called 'Final Fantasy' if they keep making more of them. I had the simple answer. Its called that because 1) they ran out of ideas, or 2) they want the game series to sound like a porn series, or 3) the creator made the first one with the intention of never making another one, but then made more anyway.

Personally, I think its number 2.

Anyway, I'm finally starting to get used to Haku. Once I convinced him to stop singing that stupid song, we've been getting along splendidly. We can actually talk while were on the road now. I learned some interesting things today. Like for example, you know that moogle that Kiba hangs out with all the time? It can speak English. I didn't know those winged rats could talk. Apparently one of the moogles with us can speak English too. I think its MogMatt.

I told Haku whats its like to live with Akasuki. He seemed kinda disappointed when I told him it wasn't like a yaoi (he got kinda depressed). So I told him about one of my many days of living there, I'll write what happened here.

_**Tobi's tales of Akasuki**_

_It was a little bit after I started living there. I was the lowly rank of Zetsus assistant, or the swabbie. My days were filled with doing menial household chores and cooking food (that stopped after the Chili incident)._

_So I was collecting their dirty laundry, and I had just left Itachis room, and heard a strange noise coming from Kisames room. I walked over there, and the door was slightly ajar. I peeked in there and saw quite a sight. Kisame was inside, with Abba playing on his stereo, and he was singing and dancing to it. Kisame, the demon shark of Akasuki, one of the seven swordsmen of the mist, was dancing to Abba. _

_Quite a sight. _

_He was dancing to Mama mia, then when it stopped, he started dancing to dancing queen. I caught that one on tape. _

_I sent that in to Funniest Home videos and won first prize._

_Life can be good sometimes…_

Haku thought this was a bit cruel, but I thought it was freakin hilarious. That kid wouldn't know funny if it bit him on the kupo.

Wait, did I say kupo?

Maybe those winged rats are getting to me.

Well, we are low on food, I wonder what one might taste like……

* * *

_**Day 6**_

_**As Written by- MogMatt**_

_**Food supply-kupo**_

_**Morale-kupo**_

_**Distance traveled-kupo**_

_**Distance to go-kupopo!**_

_**The true meaning of like-Ku kupopo po kupo!**_

Kupo! Kupo kupo ku ku, po kupo kupo kupo! Kupopopo! Kupo pop o Ku…..

Kupo kupo…..

Kupoppop! Kupopo ku.

Kupo po ku.

Kupo ko po Kupo No Jutsu Kupo Kupo Kupo!

* * *

_**Day 7**_

_**As written by-Tobi**_

_**Food supply-Fresh out**_

_**Morale-higher than the food supply**_

_**Distance traveled-130 miles maybe**_

_**Distance to go-don't wanna know…**_

One of those little hairballs got into my journal. Its bad enough the fruity kid keeps writing in here, I looked at what the moogle wrote, and I've gotta ask HOW THE HELL DO THOSE THINGS COMMUNICATE? ITS ALL THE SAME WORD REPEATED? Seriously, its all the same, kupo, and other forms of the same exact letters.

How the hell do they communicate?

Its like they're pokemon and all they can say is their own name over and over.

Wait, I did not just write that.

I AM TOBI! I WILL BECOME AN ELITE NINJA ASSASSAIN AND BECOME A MEMBER OF AKASUKI! I can't be associated with a freakin pokemon, noooooo!

Hey, I know, I'll erase that.

Oh crud, I chose a bad time to write in pen….

Good god, I hope this thing doesn't get published…..

* * *

Tobi was walking along the road and writing at the same time. He was trying to scribble out the aforementioned incriminating evidence when suddenly, one of the moogles (monev) swooped out of nowhere and took the journal right out of his hands.

"you stupid Pokemon! come back with my journal!" he yelled, giving chase

The moogle flew on ahead, pass Haku, who was busy talking to the female moogles about their Nail polish brands. Tobi went right by, yelling cuss words that would set paper on fire.

"NO! Tobi! Don't hut the little guy!" Haku yelled, running after Tobi

The other moogles started to fly after Haku, chasing Tobi, chasing Monev.

Tobi started to gain on Monev, put on a burst of speed, and dived at him. Tobi completely and utterly missed, but knocked over a teenager and his friend.

"OW! What the hell was that for, you mask wearing bastard" the kid said

"None of your business punk!" yelled Tobi

"maybe it is! You orange-tard" he responded

"bite me, you little rat"

"go to hell you sissy"

"I'll send you there with me you ass ninja"

Tobi suddenly remembered that he was after Monev, he looked left and right, the moogle had vanished.

"NOOO!!!" yelled Tobi, falling onto his knees, "why do you mock me god??? WHY!!!???"

Suddenly, Haku and the others caught up to Tobi.

"Hey Tobi, whos this guy?" he asked, pointing at the kid "and whos that person" he continued, pointing at his friend

"I" said the boy, quite indignantly "Am Obito, and this, is my friend Rin"

"Pleased to meet you" said Rin

"likewise" said Haku politely "hey Tobi" he said, looking at Tobi on the ground, who was cursing out Monev "Lets talk to our new friends"

"NO!!!" said Tobi, who snapped out of his shock "They are NOT our friends, that kid is a little annoying bastard" he said, pointing at Obito "and there is no way in hell they're joining us"

* * *

**THREE HOURS LATER**

And thus, the quest began again, with the moogles, Tobi, Haku, Rin, and Obito.

"come on" said Haku "lets all start to sing rascal flats!"

Haku, Rin, and Obito started to sing 'Life is a highway'

"I hate life" Muttered Tobi, slinking along the back

* * *

Unforunately for Tobi, this was published. Be sure to send reviews for comments, questions, suggestions, and such. Be sure to read my other fanfic (Don't Believe it).

Until next time, Believe it!


	2. Chapter 2, God I hate you

**Chapter 2**

**God I hate you

* * *

**

_**Day uh, insert Number?**_

_**As Written by- Haku**_

_**Food supply- mmmmm, raw bacon..**_

_**Morale- Greatish**_

_**Distance traveled- 540 miles**_

You might notice a kinda big gap in Time and milage from the last entry, well, we caught a train, It was an interesting experience. As the people sharing Tobis row learned the hard way, Tobi gets motion sick pretty easy….

He blew chunks…

But besides that, I have great news for you!

WE GOT NEW FRIENDS!!!

Nope, not more moogles, we picked up some people today, they we ninjas looking for a quest of their own.

Their names are Obito Uchia and Rin something or other.

I'd say they have messed up Names, but then again, what kind of name is Haku?

They're pretty cool, once they heard poor Tobis plight, and Obito stopped laughing his ass off after hearing it, they agreed to help us!

HAPPY PIE!!!

Tobi sure was happy about Rin joining though, he said something about there finally being a chick in the group.

Speaking of girls, I think that Obito thinks I'm a girl…He kept hitting on me and calling me girlie

Why does that keep happening?

Just cause I have long hair, a beautiful feminine face, girl clothes, a high voice, and a bra on doesn't make me girlish (The bra is for support). Did I answer my own question? Who knows…

But he knows just how to make me feel pretty. Tee Hee!

* * *

_**Day 7**_

_**As Written by- Obito**_

_**Food Supply- we have food?**_

_**Morale- could be better**_

_**Distance traveld- Me, about 3 miles, those guys, about 543 miles**_

Yo, its my first Entry, the names obito

Heres a list of things I like

1) being lazy

2) talking about Being lazy

3) food

4) being lazy

That pretty much describes me

Some might ask, why would you and your friend pair up with 2 wacko strangers, and a flock of furry teddy bears right of the blue like that?

Simple, me and Rin ran out of money on our Journey

You see, were looking for a friend of mine, his names Kakashi, hes this guy whos an uptight asshole. He also hates videogames with a passion

I didn't tell those two about him cause I doubt they'd know him. I mean, Hakus headband says hes from the land of mist. And I have no idea where Orange mask guy is from, but im guessing prison.

Whats more is that when Me and Rin ran out of Money, she suggested I get a job, I said no. I said It would be much easier if she just became a prostitute and whored herself out for money.

For some reason she got mad at me…

I don't get girls…..

After She beat the Crap out of me, I tried to calm her down, I told her I thought she'd make a great prostitute…

She beat me up even worse

I don't Get girls…

* * *

_**Day 8**_

_**As written by- Tobi**_

_**Food supply-lots of this Japanese stuff**_

**_Morale-will be much better after I kill Obito_**

_**Distance traveled-reaalllly far**_

You know, I'm kinda glad we gotta a girl (a human one, MogMegan doesn't count) now, but I'm even more pissed off that the puck kid Obito joined. Seriously, that guy is so lazy, he makes that Shikamaru kid look like the green kid.

You know what annoys me worse? There was a rumor going around Konoha that I was named Obito for a while, and that Tobi is just an anagram of it. Well I got news for those craptards, I'm was never named Obito, I am not that little punk, you wanna know why?

Cause Tobi is a good boy

Yup, I really am a good boy

God I love saying that

Anyway, besides that, we arrived outside the square enix building, ready to steal the beta copy of Final Fantasy XIII (the thing with the chick). The facility was as heavily guarded as I thought. Outside, guarding that building was Cloud Strife, Ramza, Sepiroth, Tidus, Yuna, Ifrit, the whole Dalmascan army, a horde of Bangaas, the undead, Magitech armor, the red wings, the talon, the Highwind, the ragnorok, Zidane, Vivi, a dragon on rollarskates, the loch ness monster, a wookie, Sabin, Setzer, Seifer, Selphie, Seymour Guado, Kuja, the undead (again), the 1985 bears, the Cubs, and Auron.

Needless to say, we have quite a task ahead of us.

I'm going to need to think of a plan.

Maybe I'll use Obito as a bullet magnet….

That might be the greatest thing ever….

Hehehe, I'm getting giddy just thinking about it….

* * *

_**Day 9**_

_**As written by-Rin**_

_**Food supply-what?**_

_**Morale-is that a kinda dog?**_

_**Distance traveled- 20 pounds**_

Uh, hiiiiiiii, I'm Rin, and, uhhhhhh, im what you call a pretty girl, and I uhhhh, Don't like words, cause, uhhhh, only nerds write or read or anything, so like yeah whatever.

Anyway, this is like, kinda like, AIM, but, its harder to right, and its less cool, cause its in a crappy journal, so yeah.

Oh, and were on this quest to stop the evil power, I mean, like, find our friend Kakashi for some reason, so, like, yeah.

We came up with a plan, to, like, break into the square place, and like, steal some video game stuff, and like, It went super. When we did it, we like, got caught and escaped, and like, when we were running away, Tobi kicked Obito in the shins, and said something about sacrificing him to save us. But we were like, a few feet away from our escape vehicle, so that was kind weird.

On the plus side, during the mission, my hair looked GREAT! Seriously, I am so damn hot, I'll bet even the gay kid likes me. Totally.

* * *

_**Day 10**_

_**As written by- Tobi**_

_**Food Supply- fine I guess**_

_**Morale-mines fine, I got to beat up Obito**_

_**Distance traveled- were going to America, hells yeah!**_

Oh man, This trip is starting to look up, seriously, At first I thought letting that mother f!!ker onboard was a huge mistake, but seriously, that was funny when I tripped him and those guys from square enix beat him an inch from death.

Remember, its only funny when It doesn't happen to you.

Well, I suppose I should tell you how we did it, cause that airhead ditz Rin probably wasn't smart enough to tell you, it went something like this.

* * *

**The preceding day**

**Outside the Square enix building**

"okay, heres how its going to go down" Said Obito, giving instructions to Obito, Rin, Haku, and the moogles "The plan is simple, I call it, operation, Obito meat shield"

"hey" said Obito in protest

"no complaining, anyway, the plan goes as such, me, Haku, and Rin will go around the building and sneak in through the back, and steal the beta data to Final Fantasy XIII. Got it girls?"

"got it!" said Haku and Rin

"the moogles, will commandeer an escapes vehicle"

"Kupo!" said the moogles in agreement

"what about me?" asked Obito

"you, will attack their vast defense force directly, and run right at them, screaming like a madman and waving your arms"

"That doesn't seem like a good strategy"

"the enemy will do one of two things, they will either A, be so scared by your fierce bravery they will assume you are so powerful, they should run away completely. Or B, they will attack and mow you down, and eat your corpse (that's what the undeads for)"

"dude, that's like the worst idea ever" protested Obito

"no its not"

"theres like a 99.99 percent chance they'll mow me down"

"hehe, that's the beauty of it, if they do mow you down, they will be so distracted by the fun of killing you, they wont notice us" responded Tobi

"dude, your retarded"

"why cant you just be a team player and just be the freakin bullet magnet like I ask?"

* * *

**Back to the journal**

For some reason, my brilliant military strategy just didn't impress Obito, you just can't please some people, you know?

Anyway, the plan went well, we broke into it, and stole the beta, it will be easy to reprogram it (those little furry bastards are good at that stuff). The moogles got us a hummer to escape in (there are a lot of those in japan, I'm not really sure why). Unfortunately Obito survived. He charged at them, tripped and started to cry. The enemy was so sad at his pitiful state, they let him off the hook.

Damn it.

Now that we got what we wanted in Japan, we wanted to head out to America, to get to the bottom of the sergeant pepper thing and the mr. goodbar thing. The only way to get there is to fly from Japan to America.

Its only a two hour flight, right?

* * *

_**Day 11**_

_**As written by- Obito**_

_**Food supply- Airline food sucks**_

_**Morale-until the next in flight movie comes on**_

_**Distance traveled-I dunno, maybe a foot?**_

God I hate Tobi

Seriously, that guy takes every opportunity to kill me he can get. When we were going through airport security, he told the guards that I was smuggling drugs.

My Ass still hurts from getting searched…

When we got on the plane, I had to get a seat next to him. I got the middle seat, Rin got the window, and Tobi got the isle.

Haku and the moogles got bumped up to first class.

Why the hell would they do that for freakin moogles?

Anyway, were going to be in the air for a couple hours, time to make Tobis life hell.

Thank god I ate that burrito earlier.

Hes going to regret sitting next to me…

* * *

Yes, I know its been a while, I'm sorry, its just that I had a really good excuse, and forgot it right as I started typing

Until next time, Believe it!


End file.
